Through Fire and Mana: A NarutoTales Crossover
by FireknifeXV
Summary: An OC ninja is sent to join the chosen and guard her. He sees this as just another mission. Clearly, it's not. Setting explanation and my attempts at snarkiness inside.
1. Chapter 1 & Chapter 2

_Greetings, all, welcome to my Naruto/Tales of Symphonia crossover. It's my first story, and I'm well aware that it's probably lousy. I'll come right out and say it, Takeshi is basically me, only with ninja powers. So this is something of a self-insert, though I hope that he comes off as a decent character and not a Marty Stu (If you don't know what that means, Eragon from the Inheritance Trilogy is a perfect example-someone who's perfect at everything, with no flaws) He's got no meta-knowledge, but I'll try to intersperse a few jokes that break the fourth wall every now and again, largely because they're funny. The setting is basically the world (I've got plans for a sequel- ANOTHER crossover, this time Naruto/Harry Potter. I'm an utter geek, aren't I?), with the Ninja world somewhere around Japan, and Sylvarant a couple of fairly large islands south of that. Tethe'alla is south of THAT. The setup- Tower of Salvation, waning mana, etc., is still the same, barring the hidden existence of the two worlds. I'm going to assume that all modern technology exists (as you'll see pretty quickly), but no one uses guns, largely for reasons stemming from the Rule of Cool. My handwaving explanation is that the exspheres and mad ninja skills make up for it- they're much faster than your average mook with an AK-47._

Hojo Takeshi, 17, was returning to Konoha after a six-month stay in Sunagakure, serving as an assistant to the ambassador there. He shouldered his pack, looking up at the gates adorned with the crest of Konoha, the same crest that was on the hita-ate band tied around his arm. He was dressed in loose cargo pants, a tunic emblazoned with his clan's crest (Author's Note: 'tis the triforce.), and a chuunin vest over that. He walked through the gates, smiling as he did. It was good to be back.

Takeshi followed the orders he had been given by messenger hawk before he left- "Upon your arrival, report directly to the Hokage's office." As he walked through the gates, he greeted the guards who sat, bored, at the gatepost. Clearly it was a slow day. He took his time walking down the streets, enjoying the hustle and bustle that had not been present in Suna- no one stopped to chat or just took a walk when the temperature was hot enough to fry an egg, and sand was blowing in your face. He didn't spot any familiar faces as he walked, figuring that most of his friends would be out on missions. Still, he began to look more carefully as he made his way closer to the main offices of the ninja of Konoha. In particular, he was looking for Shikamaru Nara. He had become good friends with Temari while he was in Suna, and before he had left, she had given him a letter for the ponytailed ninja. She had warned him against reading it, and Takeshi, having seen the look in her eyes when she said this, was not tempted. He chuckled. Besides, just by being that intense about it, she had given Takeshi a good idea of what the letter said. Takeshi had been a decent friend of Shikamaru, and was looking forward to a shogi rematch. He was no match for Shikamaru, but enjoyed seeing how close he could come.

However, he didn't spot Konoha's infamous lazy ninja, and he introduced himself to the receptionist, who radioed upstairs to let the 5th know that he had arrived. Takeshi sat down to wait until the receptionist signaled him, pulling out his headphones and turning them on. (A/N- I'll pepper this with whatever I'm listening to when I write this, seeing as I'm pretty much taking this as being set in reality, only with ninjas and the like. Right now, it's the Halo 3 soundtrack.) He relaxed as the music flowed through his head, content that here in the center of Konoha, he could afford to let his guard down. After a long wait, during which it was a struggle to remain awake, the receptionist finally signaled that the Hokage was ready for him. He walked up the stairs and made his way to the Hokage's office, knocking on her door. Hearing a "come in!" from inside, he walked through and waited for the Hokage to speak, headphones still around his neck. The 5th Hokage turned in her seat, looking coolly at this young ninja, who looked coolly right back.

"Hojo Takeshi, reporting back from Sunagakure, is that correct?"

"Yes ma'am. I have several sealed documents from the Kazekage for you, and a report from the ambassador detailing the past two months."

With that, Takeshi opened a pouch on his vest and pulled out 6 scrolls.

"I wasn't given clearance to know what these documents contain, save for the ambasador's report. That was my job, so I really don't have anything to add to it in person. Anything else, Hokage-sama, or am I free to go?"

"No, I think that will be all. You're free to go. Report to me tomorrow at 0600 for your next mission."

"Yes ma'am. Will I be seeing my team on this mission? It's been a while."

"No, they're still out on a mission along with most of our other Chunin squads. This will be a solo mission."

"Alright. Length?"

"You'll find out tomorrow. Now go, I have work to do."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

As he walked out of the office and through the halls, his headphones once again blasting music into his ears (A/N- Dragonforce: Through the Fire and Flames), he started grumbling to himself. _Only one day's break, a 6 AM report time, and all my friends out of town. Brilliant. Haven't seen the village in 6 months, and I've got barely an afternoon to enjoy it, less because I'm sure my parents will just be dying to hear about my time in Suna. _Takeshi rolled his eyes. _Not that there's anything to tell. I was basically stuck behind a desk for 6 months. The ambassador himself took care of the one assassination that came down from the Hokage- that would have been fun, and might have gotten me closer to Jounin. Ah well, maybe this mission will be a bit better. But still, one day's break, and I don't even get a chance to sleep in. _ Still grumbling, Takeshi headed out of the building and made his way through the village to his family's compound. He pulled the key out from its position on his belt loop, unlocked the door, and walked inside the gate.

It was a fairly lavish compound- the Hojo clan was fairly important in Konoha- not on the level of the Hyuuga clan or the former glory of the Uchiha clan, but close. Their kekkai genkai was a valuable asset to the village, and the clan was wealthy and generous. Those members of the family who were not gifted with the ability to become Ninja had become fairly prosperous in the electronics markets, and they owned the majority of the video game stores and electronics chains in the land of Fire. Takeshi was the son of the chief and stood to inherit the leadership of the clan when his father passed on. He didn't want this task- his goal was to serve his village as a ninja, and the leader of the clan more often than not focused on the electronics and day-to-day-life of the clan than being a Ninja. Fortunately, his father was not likely to get himself killed- he had never been a ninja, and the greatest threat to his life was that Takeshi would finally snap at his constant nagging to "secure an heir", as he put it, and kill him just to shut him up. This nagging also resulted in his attempts to arrange dates with various "suitable" ladies of the village for him, which, after the first two, Takeshi vehemently shot down. This had been a large portion of Takeshi's reasoning for applying for the ambassadorial post in Suna- he had _needed_ to get out of the house for a while. But now he was back. He looked around the compound. Nothing had changed. The main house, his, stood in the middle of it all, still tall and ugly. The various houses belonging to his relatives, those lower down on the totem pole, surrounded the main building, none of them so high or so ornate. The family crest was prominent everywhere, even embedded in the path over which he walked. He walked up to the front door, and pulled it open, kicking off his shoes as he gave the traditional greeting. Silence greeted him. _Well that's typical- the one time I'm home and they're all out. Meh, whatever. _With that, he went to the fridge and pulled out some food. Making his way over to the living room, he grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV, searching for something good. He didn't find anything. Daytime TV was always horrible. So, he decided to pull out some video games that he hadn't had a chance to play in a long while. He smiled as he turned on the machine and threw the disk in- _Halo 3 on a 60-inch HDTV. With massive surround sound. I guess there are SOME benefits to having your family own a chain of electronics stores._ He chuckled. This game was far removed from actual combat- death was cheap, one man could kill thousands of enemies, and healing was simply a matter of waiting. As he had once described it to his friends- "You remember when we were training, we'd get hurt, and sensei would tell us to walk it off? Well imagine him telling us that after we've taken 5 bullets to the chest. Now imagine it working." But it was fun and took skill, and that was what mattered to Takeshi right now. He sat back, engrossed in the game.

Ch. 2-

The next time Takeshi looked up, it was dark out and his family still hadn't gotten home. He looked around and saw the note taped to the fridge that he had missed in his search for food-

"Takeshi-

I know you were supposed to get home today, and I'm sorry we can't be there. I've had an important business deal, and for appearances, it's important that I have a family with me. We will be home in three days. Food's in the fridge. See you soon!

Dad

Takeshi chuckled. With that mission, he might go longer between seeing his family than he expected. Well, that was fine with him. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out some of the food his dad had prepared- Teriyaki chicken and rice. Ah, bliss. No matter how much he complained about his dad, he couldn't deny that he was a fantastic cook- a skill that still eluded Takeshi. Throwing the food in the microwave, he waited for it to warm up as he pulled some vegetables out of the freezer- a ninja needed to stay fit. Cooking these (he could handle frozen vegetables), he soon had a satisfactory dinner, that he greatly enjoyed. Finishing, he decided to hit the sack early- he had an early mission tomorrow and he wasn't doing anything else. So, heading upstairs, he fell into his bed and went to sleep, just barely remembering to set the alarm.

Before he drifted off, he reflected on the fact that he had spent the only day he had in Konoha completely alone, playing video games. Upon further thought, he realized that he really didn't mind. He had never been an incredibly social guy (a fact that drove his parents crazy), and simply didn't need to spend much time with other people, many times preferring the company he kept in his own head. He knew that this wasn't entirely healthy, but whatever. He didn't particularly care.

The next morning, the alarm went off at 5:00. After nearly breaking the clock punching the snooze button several times (his ninja abilities and his desire to sleep in meant that he invariably went through several alarm clocks a year- something that did not particularly please his hosts in Suna), he stumbled out of bed, took a shower, and revived a bit over a warm cup of tea. Now able to function, he pulled on his vest and tied his headband around his arm. He locked up and headed out, leaping quickly so as to make it on time, and enjoying the chance to bleed off a bit of chakra- he had not had the occasion to use much lately.

He arrived at the Hokage's compound and was admitted, quickly, into the Hokage's presence.

She explained the mission to him- as the details came out, his face got more and more this was a "bread and butter" mission- one of those long, usually tedious bodyguard missions that brought the most money in to the village. Takeshi shuddered. A job spent guarding some "chosen" high horse in a land called Sylvarant as they released "mana links" and restored their land to prosperity. It was ranked as a A-rank, but only because Takeshi was going alone- normally, this would be handled by a small team. Takeshi would have to take on the job of an entire 3-man cell of chunin by himself. The hokage strongly hinted that a strong performance here would be a good sign that he was ready to finally begin the trials to earn the rank of Jonin, so at least some good would come of it. She handed him a map of the region, a seal from the Hokage ensuring that yes, he was the ninja coming to assist the chosen and not here to assassinate the prime minister, and a plane ticket that was to depart for a town called Triet at noon.

"Any questions?"

"Just one. Am I the only one who is going to be protecting this person? That could get tricky."

"The message indicates that a few of the locals are competent enough to assist you, and the chosen herself won't get in the way. You should go in with pretty much a full team, though I can't guarantee that they'll be at your level."

"Alright. Time to go, I think."

"Good luck, safe travel."

Takeshi went home to pack. He knew to travel light, and so threw together one bag containing his ninja gear (several scrolls and larger shuriken), basic medical supplies, his light bedroll, and a few changes of clothes. Pocketing his iPod (A/N- yes, it's an iPod. So sue me. Unless you're Steve Jobs, in which case, please don't.), wallet, and travel papers, he set off on the flight. On his way to the airport, he stopped at the Nara compound and left the envelope in the care of Shikamaru's mother. Temari'd probably kill him if she knew he did that, but then she'd probably kill him if he held on to it for the few months this mission would take. Takeshi's hita-ate allowed for easy security clearance- the two bored genin on security detail waved him through. It was fun, he reflected, to be able to walk through the airport tossing a kunai up and down as he walked while the civilians had their nail clippers confiscated. He made it to his seat (actually, he had the whole row- ninja weren't popular traveling companions). So, he put on his headphones, figuring that this would be the last time he'd really get a good listen in (A/N- Bruce Springsteen. I'm from New Jersey. It's pretty much required) It was a short trip, only about two hours away, and he landed and looked for a way to travel north to Iselia.


	2. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Upon arrival, Takeshi inspected his map. It was about 40 miles to the village where he was supposed to meet the chosen. He was supposed to meet them that evening, which meant that he would have to take some form of transport- his preference was to walk. So, he went outside and hailed a taxi. The driver was an older man, around 60.

"Ninja, huh? Don't get too many of those up here. Where you from?"

"The village hidden in the leaves."

After a few more attempts at conversation, the taxi driver could tell that this ninja wasn't very talkative. He just sat there, staring out the window. In truth, there was a purpose to this. Takeshi was taking a look at the climate, getting to know the general lay of the land, and any other information he could gather. All too soon, however, the taxi came to a halt.

"What's going on?", Takeshi asked the driver, his hand straying to his kunai pouch. It wasn't that he didn't trust the driver...alright, it was completely that he didn't trust the driver. He hated having to rely on unknown parties during missions- you could never know if they were bribed or not.

"Looks like the Desians are doing an inspection of each vehicle that passes. I've never seen anything like this- they keep to the ranches mostly."

_Crap...This has something to do with the whole "journey of restoration" or whatever, I'm almost sure of it._

The taxi arrived at the stop, and the two guards, having seen Takeshi's armband, made them get out of the car. Immediately, both other teams abandoned their posts and began to approach. When they arrived, the leader began:

"You! Inferior being with that armband- what are you doing here? This seems to indicate that you are a ninja. State your name.

"Give me your name and I shall give you mine."

_What the hell? Why would I say something like that?_(A/N: because I like my meta-references, that's why.)

"Insolent worm! State your purpose!"

Takeshi rolled his eyes and pulled out his Hokage's letter. "This should explain everything." He said, handing it to the leader. The half-elf scanned the document, and his eyes lit up.

"This is the one we're looking for! Get him!"

With that, the six Desians drew their blades and advanced. Takeshi noted that they each had a strange orb embedded on the backs of their hands. He was just thankful that, for whatever reason, they didn't have guns. Those things were a pain to deal with.

Takeshi vaulted back up onto the roof of the taxi. He scanned the area. Traffic was backed up behind him, and nothing was getting through ahead on the three-lane highway. That mean a wide, open space with few civilians. _Perfect..._

Fueling his chakra into a leap, Takeshi jumped over the heads of the Desians who had been closing in on the taxi and landed beyond the gate, and he began to sprint up the road. The Desians, showing athletic ability that almost matched the ninja's, gave chase. As soon as Takeshi judged that they were a safe distance away from the civilian vehicles, he came to a halt and readied himself into a fighting pose to take on the Desians. They rounded the curve in the roadway and came at him full-tilt, 6 fast, agile swordsmen. Takeshi grinned. Time to give his Kekkeai Genkai a workout.

He brought his right hand back, and punched it forward. Concentrating the chakra in the palm of his hand, he activated his clan's bloodline limit, and a ball of fire the size of a man's head flew at the charging Desians. It caught the leader full in the chest. The burning ball of chakra did not extinguish, but instead remained there, searing the Desian's flesh as he tumbled to the ground. That one was out of the fight.

Takeshi followed this up with several more fireballs, hoping that this pyrotechnic show would keep his foes at a distance. It didn't work. They continued to charge, jumping and dodging and showing surprising ability for ordinary fighters without the benefit of chakra. He managed to hit another square on and graze a third's arm, but then the remainder were too close for comfort.

Takeshi dug in his pouch for two kunai and took one in each hand, intending to meet these idiots head-on. He charged at the lead, catching the blade on his first kunai as he aimed the second for the man's gut. He was surprised when the sword seemed to change direction in midair, blocking the kunai to the gut and slicing at Takeshi's shoulder. It was a shallow wound, but it bled freely.

Grunting with the pain, Takeshi attempted to trap his opponent's blade between his two kunai, but the Desian was simply too quick. Takeshi launched a kick behind him to discourage the second desian who had been attacking from the rear, but he quickly recognized that the superior strength and speed of these foes meant that engaging them in close combat was a bad idea. Fortunately for Takeshi, he had a better one.

Flames erupted from Takeshi's hands as he spun in a circle. The flames remained where his hands had been, forming a ring of fire that would force his foes out of range. A desian who had been charging in for a blow fell back, screaming as the intense heat seared his flesh. Given time, he would get back up, but Takeshi didn't plan to give him that time. He focused his chakra in his feet as he jumped just as the asphalt underneath his feet began to collapse from the heat, spinning skywards as he delivered several more fireballs from above, but his enemies were alert enough to dodge these. He landed, and immediately one hand shot forwards, launching a stream of fire towards the group of Desians now running to meet him again. His second hand made a series of complex hand signals. The desians were focused on dodging the flamethrower that was coming out of Takeshi's left hand and getting close and eviscerating him with their swords. They never saw the last few bits of Takeshi's spinning fire wheel suddenly brighten again, forming themselves into several dozen individual fireballs. These Takeshi, with a sharp motion disguised by the flames emitted from his left hand, launched in a wide spread to the rear of the three desians charging at him. The flames caught them, incinerating flesh and causing armor to turn red-hot. The desians screamed and writhed, all three having been hit by several fireballs, and three quick blasts from Takeshi engulfed their heads and ended their screams. Takeshi charged back to where the fourth desian had fallen from his flame wall, but the fireballs had caught him too and he was dead. Takeshi dragged the six bodies off the road, dumping them among the trees. He didn't have time to bury them, and knew that with that big, gaping hole in the road, there was no concealing that _something_ happened here.

Takeshi returned to the taxi, blood flowing down his arm as he tried to staunch it with his hand. He ducked back in and sat down, the driver giving him something of a "what-the-fuck-just-happened" look. Takeshi's only response was "Drive. But watch out for the hole."


	3. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Been a while, but I've got four chapters here for you smurfs. Not that it appears anyone's reading this. Ah well, it probably sucks anyways. If you don't think so, please, for the sake of my poor ego, review this thing. I'm not as good at putting meta-humor into this work as I'd hoped, so I think I'll just try and work more witty banter into the dialogue. Enjoy.

Ch. 4

As the cab streaked up the road, the driver clearly desperate to get away from the scene and unload this freak from his car, Takeshi staunched his wound and bound it with strips from his bag. He decided that he needed more information, and this taxi driver seemed to be a good man to ask.

"Alright, so what in hell were those people who attacked me?"

"Desians. They're separate from the main governments, and are really too powerful to confront. They take people and torture them in their human ranches. No one really knows why. People are powerless to stop them."

"And they don't produce anything, don't try to conquer the land?" These people were like no organization that he had seen before- they didn't appear to have a purpose other than causing suffering.

"Not that I know of. They basically rule this land anyways, "

"That makes no sense. I've never heard of anything like that."

"It is what it is, kid. Did what's-his-name, Hitler or something like that, really have a purpose for killing off the jews or whatever it was he did? (A/N: Godwin's law strikes again!) There's nothing we can do about it.

"hmmm."

They didn't say anything else to each other until they reached the village. Nor did they encounter any more Desians. Takeshi paid the cab driver (tipping him fairly well, considering), and the driver sped away like a bat out of hell. Shouldering his pack, Takeshi entered the village and went looking for his contact, an older woman named Phaidra. He was directed to a house in the northeastern part of the village, where he met Phaidra and the chosen, a young blonde girl named Colette. So this was the girl he was to be guarding. Based on introductions and dinner, he decided that she wouldn't be that bad of a traveling companion. Sure, she was clumsy and had a tendency to over-apologize over every little thing, but she was kind, and didn't treat him like another servant. He'd had too many missions where he had wanted to just give up and let the ninja he was fighting go ahead and kill his clients because they irritated the crap out of him. Sure, he figured that this girl's constant tendency to apologize would get annoying, but that was something he could tune out. Being called "ninja" every time he was addressed and treated like some servant was a bit harder. This might not be that bad. And the tea she brewed was excellent.

After dinner, the other two escorts came by. Raine was a healer, virtually useless in combat, but able to bring people back from the brink of death. That would certainly come in handy. She had demonstrated her healing abilities, easily healing the cut on his shoulder in about a second. Personality-wise, she was...abrasive. Rude but supremely intelligent, she would be a bad person to irritate. However, she seemed to be kind to Colette. Takeshi didn't really know what to make of her.

Kratos, on the other hand, he knew exactly what to make of. A mercenary, another one who seemed to think that he was God's own warrior. Takeshi had encountered dozens of men like him on his missions. They were all either brash and overconfident to the point of suicide, or aloof and arrogant, seeming to think that everyone was beneath them. Kratos was undoubtedly the latter. They tended to be more dangerous than the former, as they made less stupid mistakes, and better traveling companions, as they knew when to shut up (or, more accurately, simply never talked). But Kratos had the arrogance in spades. It was clear that he had never dealt with ninja before and seemed to regard the 17-year-old Takeshi as a child, more of a hinderance than a help. Takeshi had offered to give him a demonstration of just how accomplished his skills were, but the offer had been declined. Kratos had claimed that he didn't want to injure the poor boy. Takeshi had nearly roasted his overly long red hair for that comment. He'd certainly show him a thing or two about ninja over the next few weeks.

After the introductions were finished, talk turned to the journey. Takeshi knew the basics from his briefing, and didn't feel the need to enquire any more about what the actual release of the seals entailed. Quite frankly, he didn't care too much. They soon began to discuss logistics. Kratos, and, strangely, Colette, wanted to set off at first light. Takeshi raised no objections, knowing that it was often best to just go along with what the employer wanted. Besides, the sensible part of his mind told him that leaving that early made good tactical sense. Being responsible was a pain in the ass sometimes. Takeshi inquired as to how they would be making the voyage. Raine suggested a car, but both Takeshi and, surprisingly, Kratos, advised walking. Takeshi spoke from experience, having seen several cars taken out by jutsus and rocket launchers (and having taken several of them out himself), bringing up the case of the roadblock on the road as evidence of the Desians interfering with the quest and possibly causing serious harm. By Takeshi's logic, they weren't on any sort of timetable, and so it would make far more sense to keep a low profile and remain unseen. Kratos followed much the same logic. With that settled, Takeshi enquired as to where he would be sleeping. Colette was going to say goodbye to one of her friends, and Kratos and Raine were going to accompany her. Takeshi trusted that forest spiders and rabbits would pose no threat, and turned in for the night.


	4. Chapter 5

A/N: Alright, I finally remembered those disclaimers everyone puts in: No, I do not own anything out of Tales of Symphonia. Or Naruto. Never understood those, but whatever.

Music recommendations, since the opportunities for listening to headphones are few and far between here- Dropkick Murpheys are great- fast, hard punk with awesome lyrics when you listen to them. I defy anyone to listen to "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" and not immediately get pumped up. Also, in a change of pace, I recently realized how good the band Cake is. It's surprising, because they have a very different style. Either way, it's good. Oh, and obligatory Ska music because i feel like it- Streetlight Manifesto. Full Stop.

Ch. 5

In the morning, they awoke and set off. Colette seemed nervous, promising everyone over and over again that she would do her best. But she also seemed sad. Unnaturally so for one who was going off to save her country. Takeshi shrugged. It was none of his business. Ninja were discouraged from becoming attached to their clients.

The walk south was uneventful. They passed through the outskirts of the village into a large wood, but after several hours they reached the edge of the plains. From what Takeshi could tell, there were no farms or other indications that this land was being used. Takeshi scouted, using an element of his kekkei genkai to detect the body heat of anyone that might be nearby. He did not sense anyone. From what he could tell, there was no one around. These were untamed lands. After a long day of walking, they picked a secluded hillside and set up camp. There were no trees to burn, so Takeshi took it upon himself to make dinner. It was a simple matter of sitting and concentrating on the flame, holding it beneath the pot where he was making a basic stew. Dried beef, freeze-dried vegetables, and a bit of seasoning. Nothing fancy. Coupled with some bread brought from the village, it made for a decent meal. As they ate, Colette turned to Takeshi.

"I didn't really get a chance to ask last night, but what exactly are ninja? I've never seen one of you before."

Takeshi turned, chewing on a piece of bread as he thought how best to answer the young girl.

"Essentially, we're soldiers. We fight and die for our villages, who can hire us out on various missions- such as this one."

"Yes, but how does that make you any different from a regular soldier? Do you have an expshere?"

"Exshere? Never heard of it. Our powers come from within. We channel our energy, called chakra, through our bodies to perform assorted feats. So what are exshpheres, exactly?"

Kratos held up his fist, displaying the glowing purple orb embedded on the back of his hand.

"Exspheres are strange crystals that awaken dormant capabilities in humans. They allow them to be much faster and stronger, as well as a variety of other effects in combat."

"Just how much faster?"

"That depends on how the owner chooses to train and their inherent strength to begin with."

A thought struck Takeshi.

"That explains how those six were able to keep up with me on the highway...I noticed those orbs, but thought that they were some sort of weird jewelry. How prevalent are these exspheres?"

"Few humans wear them, but the desians seem to have a large number. Almost all of their soldiers are equipped. That's what gives them such an edge."

"That could be troublesome..." Muttered Takeshi.

"So", asked Colette, "what exactly are these feats, Mr. Hojo?"

Takeshi chuckled.

"Just Takeshi is fine. I'm only 17. And the answer is basically anything you can think of. My abilities, though, tend to revolve around fire. It's an inherited ability of my clan. For example..."

With that, he lay on his back and began moving his hands through a series of signs. As he finished, he brought his hands to his mouth. Chakra flowed out, shaped by the hand signs, his breath, and the motions of his hands. A dragon, perfectly formed, flowed into the night sky. He grinned. It was always fun, doing this sort of thing. With his comrades, he'd often use this ability to add a bit of detail to his stories. Twitching his hands, he set the dragon spiraling through the sky. Colette was laughing, Raine appeared to be enjoying the show, and even Kratos looked impressed. After a minute of acrobatics, he let the fire fade.

"That's pretty much all you really need to know- any more and I'll be giving away village secrets. Sorry."

"Oh, Okay!"

Takeshi finished off his stew and stood up.

"I'm going to turn in. I'll take second watch, so whoever takes first, wake me around 2:00."

With that, he pulled out his sleeping bag, lay down, and went to sleep. He tried to fall asleep as fast as he could, seeing as how it would be a short night.

Kratos woke him at the appropriate time, and Takeshi got out of bed, sitting in the lee of the hillside as he waited, listening and sensing. Many missions had taught him techniques necessary for staying awake. He started with a hot cup of tea- his uncle Iroh had introduced him to the wonders that a good hot cup of tea could do for one's concentration and general peace of mind. Not risking a fire, he heated the tea himself, making as little light as possible. He sat, sipping tea and daydreaming as he kept his eyes, ears, and heat-sense open to the surroundings. This combination had served him well, making it virtually impossible for anyone to sneak up on him, so long as he was paying attention.

Nothing happened. Just a long, boring night. Like all of the others Takeshi had had to stand watch for. He remembered a saying that he had heard somewhere- perhaps in school. Warfare is long stretches of tedium interrupted by moments of sheer terror. That seemed to fit his life so far. Between the invasion of his village during those chuunin exams and the ongoing war to destroy the village that had started it, he had seen his fair share of danger. Nearly been killed several times. But now was the tedium. Very few of his escort missions had ever proven to actually have threats attached to them- his team would escort the client to their destination and leave, having been thoroughly bored throughout. With that random attack on his taxi coming into the village, this time around looked to be a bit more difficult. These thoughts occupied Takeshi's head as he packed up his gear and made ready to leave, setting up a simple breakfast of ration bars and tea. He had to rouse both Colette and Raine, but Kratos was already awake and packing when Takeshi went to his bedroll. Takeshi didn't comment, merely sipping his tea and preparing to march.


	5. Chapter 6

A/N: Standard disclaimer about not owning either of these franchises: Tales or Naruto. And, in a change of pace, webcomic reviews. Most anime/manga fans will probably know about Megatokyo, but I'll recommend it anyways. Second in terms of storyline and much funnier is questionable content, though the content is indeed questionable- foul language abounds. Ye be warned, tykes. The Order of the Stick is probably the single funniest webcomic out there, especially to geeks, especially D&D geeks. However, you don't need to play the game to appreciate the comic- it's utterly hilarious either way. XKCD is great and offbeat, but very hard to describe. And I'll finish this with an obscure one- Exterminatus Now. To quote TV Tropes Wiki, a site I'll pimp next chapter, It's what happens when you cross Warhammer 40,000, Sonic the Hedgehog, and a truckload of black comedy. It's utterly hilarious, and really doesn't depend on fans of either for the funny, but again, foul language abounds. Go read it now.

Ch. 6

They reached the desert that day after a few hour's walk, and passed through without incident, arriving back at Triet shortly before nightfall. Kratos handled the check-in, giving them all suitable false names. Takeshi had settled in to his bed, enjoying that everyone else was awake and alert and giving him an opportunity to relax and listen to some music (A/N The Static Jacks. They're actually a band from my high school who somehow managed to get a CD up on iTunes. They're surprisingly really good.) Unfortunately, this peace would not last as Colette burst into the room. Takeshi was instantly alert, jumping out of bed and calling fire in his hand as he looked around for the danger, headphones still on, iPod swinging from the end of the wire. As you can imagine, it looked fairly ridiculous, and Takeshi soon realized that there was no iminent threat. He also noticed a short kid with long, bluish hair he had never seen before.

"Can I help you?"

"Oh it's horrible! Genis just told me! Lloyd's been captured by Desians!"

Takeshi, of course, heard nothing of this. His music was still on and his headphones were very good at canceling out noise. He realized this and took them off, but there was no stopping Colette.

"We've got to save him! I don't know what we're going to do but we've got to save him! He's my best friend, he only followed us to try and protect me (At this, the kid looked a little uncomfortable), oh this is just horrible, we have to go in and rescue him, they'll probably kill him..."

She continued in that vein and showed no sign of stopping. Takeshi decided to take a more proactive role. He turned to the kid.

"So, who're you, and what in God's name is she talking about?"

"Give me your name and I'll give you mine!"

At this Takeshi blinked. He chuckled.

"Takeshi Hojo, ninja."

"Genis Sage, wizard. As for what's going on, our friend was taken prisoner. We were sneaking out here, trying to find you guys, but the Desians were looking for Lloyd and they found him and took us prisoner. They let me go, but I didn't know what to do, so I came back here and now we need to save Lloyd!"

_Wonderful. Needless complications already._

Takeshi turned and looked at Colette.

"I'd advise against a detour like this. It's our job to release the seals, not free your friends. It's needless and dangerous, and puts the entire world in danger."

"No! We need to rescue Lloyd! It's my fault that he got captured!"

At this, Genis looked at the ground, looking slightly nervous again. Takeshi noted this, but looked at Colette's face. She had an air of determination about her that would not be easily swayed. Takeshi knew a lost battle when he saw one.

"Alright, let me take a look at the facility, and I'll see what I can do about infiltrating it. I move faster on my own."

He was tempted to borrow a phrase from Shikamaru here. He could just tell what a pain in the ass this was going to be. His rest interrupted, he went down to see Kratos and Raine and make plans.

Sometime later, he was walking quietly up to the facility where the mark was held captive. Lloyd was his name, supposedly easy to recognize due to the fact that he was dressed in nothing but bright red. The plan was simple extraction. He had done such things many times, and Raine, Kratos, Colette, and Genis (who was apparently a fearsome spellcaster) were easily available as backup. He thought it would be a piece of cake.

(A/N: You know that whenever that happens, they're pretty much screwed.)


	6. Chapter 7

A/N: _again_, the standard disclaimer about owning neither franchise. Anyways, for this edition of Fireknife's reviews of whatever the heck he feels like, I'll talk about my current addiction: crack cocaine. Or its internet equivalent, and no I don't mean porn you horny bastards, get your minds out of the collective gutter. is the single most addictive site that I have ever found. It's a wiki that deals with all the things that occur in fiction, proving once and for all that nothing is original. It's a great help for writers, as it gives you some ideas of what tends to work- what kind of tropes good shows/novels/whatever include, and what doesn't. It's got a section dealing with fanfiction that really exemplifies a lot of the problems I've seen with fanfiction over the course of my perusal of this site, and the reading of it is partially my inspiration for putting this thing down on digital-paper instead of letting it stew in my head like I have for the past 18 years of my life. It's also a great site to read, as many things on it are genuinely hilarious or otherwise entertaining. Let me know if anyone else gets addicted, or if you read the site yourself.

Ch. 7

As it turned out, it was a piece of cake. (A/N: did I fool you?) Infiltrating the facility had been fairly easy- Takeshi knew several elemental jutsus beyond his fire abilities, and control of earth sufficient to tunnel was one of them. It was a slow technique, but perfect for infiltration. You attacked where your enemy least expected it. Usually, that meant beneath their feet. Using his heat-sense, he was even able to pick an empty room for his entry point. Using the skills honed by long practice at the academy, he was able to find a computer terminal and access a map of the facility. Noting probable locations of cameras, he made his way to the prison and looked around. No actual guards, and the camera had an easy blind spot to slip past. Child's play. Uzumaki, the loudest ninja he knew, could have done it. The fact that he had thought of Naruto made him chuckle when he came upon the sleeping prisoner. The red clothes he wore were almost as obnoxious as the orange...things...that Naruto never took off. Hardly a fitting appearance for a ninja. Getting this idiot out of the facility would be a similar headache. However, he gained nothing by standing there gaping at this kid's crazy clothes. He walked over and reached through the bars, placing a hand over Lloyd's mouth. The boy's eyes instantly snapped open, but his cry was muffled by Takeshi's hand, just as the ninja had predicted.

Putting his other hand to his mouth, Takeshi proceeded to activate his bloodline limit and produce a jet of white-hot flame. Lloyd immediately backed up, too dumbstruck to say anything, his eyes wide with fear. Takeshi rolled his own eyes and began to cut through the bars, giving Lloyd a deadpan look as he did so. Lloyd took a breath, looking like he was prepared to say something, but Takeshi again put his hand to his mouth. Finishing cutting through one section, he began another. In little time, there was a hole big enough for Lloyd to climb out of. He immediately did so, watching as Takeshi continued to indicate that he remain silent as Takeshi began to weld the bars back into place. It was a quick, shoddy job, but it would pass a casual inspection. Upon finishing, he turned to Lloyd, who was looking on with interest, and began to speak in a low, quiet voice.

"Alright, genius, let's get you out of here. I'm Takeshi, here with Colette, Genis, Raine, and Kratos. Come on and stay quiet if you want to live."

With that, he set off, using his senses to scan the area and ensuring that no guards had appeared. None did show up. Though it took some effort to guide Lloyd without setting off the cameras, they made it back to the tunnel without incident. Takeshi closed it up behind him as he walked, though there was no hiding the hole in the floor, and led Lloyd out to safety. Upon meeting with the remainder of the group, Colette immediately began to gush over Lloyd. Takeshi tuned this out, instead snapping off a faux salute and a lazy grin to the rest.

"Mission: successful."

The group headed back to the hotel, elated with Takeshi's success. The entire way back, Lloyd was badgering Takeshi with questions about how exactly he did what he did. Takeshi gave the same basic explanation he did for the rest of the group, careful not to reveal any secrets. Unfortunately, Genis butted in.

"I've heard a lot about ninja. Aren't you guys pretty much assassins?"

The question was bluntly phrased, and Genis looked slightly angry. Takeshi guessed that anti-ninja propaganda had gotten to this one.

"I won't mince words with you. Yes, we can be. I've had two assassination missions in my career. However, we're also protectors, warriors, healers, and just about anything you can think of. Hell, I'm here protecting you and I just busted your buddy out of jail. How 'bout a little gratitude?"

"Yeah yeah, thanks. But I read that you guys kill anyone who stands in your way!"

"Well you should be glad that I'm on your side then." He sighed. "I can't speak for all shinobi. Some of us do like to kill people just for fun. I'm sure there are people around here who are like that as well. But killing tends to be a very inefficient way to solve problems. It's what we do, but we try to avoid it. And most ninja, or at least all the ones I've associated with, have standards. We won't go after civilians or the like, and we'll try to subdue our foes without killing them. And sometimes assassinations are justified. Life is messy, people die."

Genis looked at him. "I guess that makes sense..."

Takeshi looked at him critically.

"Come to think of it, what are you two smurfs doing here anyways?

(A/N: I have no idea when you can expect updates. I don't have any sort of schedule when I write, but I do want to get this thing out fully completed- I've got ideas for scenes from across the game, but if it really peters out, I've got a convenient way to end it.)


	7. Chapter 8

(A/N: welcome, to Fireknife XV's excuse to use this place like a blog, with an actual story in here somewhere. Today, I think I'll talk about The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu for the Japanese purists. I first came across this show on the TVTropes wiki, something I've mentioned before as an absolute bugger of a time-waster and my latest internet addiction (on a side note, I can trace my high school and college life roughly by the sites I've been addicted to. It sounds really pathetic, but I don't spend THAT much time online, so it's probably OK. Right?...Right!?) It's one of my new favorite anime. If you haven't heard of this series, you're not really all that in touch with the anime fandom, because this show is huge. And it deserves to be. It's intelligent, beautifully drawn, and, most importantly, flippin' hilarious. I won't really go into a review of the show- it's difficult for me to do so without giving away the main plot points that everyone knows already but are too good for me to spoil, but the basic way you can sum it up is it's a SciFi slice of life comedy. And Kyon, the narrator, is the single best Deadpan Snarker you will ever see. Do a youtube search for it, and you can find the whole series subbed.

And just to make this a bit longer, you all do know that the sequel to Tales of Symphonia is getting a US release, right? If you don't, shame on you. It's called Dawn Of the New World. Not much info on it, but it'll have all the characters we know and love (barring Kratos, but I never liked him anyways)

Ch. 8

A shock of horror ran through the group. Takeshi was puzzled. Iselia wasn't a large town, but such a big heatflash like that, it was surprising that he hadn't sensed it. Colette looked positively dumbstruck.

"But...But...why?"

Genis related the story. It seemed that a group of desians from the local ranch had wanted something of Lloyd's. Various horrific details followed. Takeshi was saddened. He'd seen his share of death and destruction, but to destroy an entire town just to find one person seemed...excessive, to say the least. These Desians were ruthless, almost over the top villains. He'd enjoy taking out any who crossed his path.

The group was deep in thought as they returned to the hotel. Raine and Colette were still upset about the destruction of their hometown, Genis and Lloyd were still upset about being captured, and Takeshi and Kratos, predictably, didn't talk much. It was crowded and awkward in the boy's room that night, even with Lloyd and Genis taking turns on watch. Takeshi gave up the bed so that they could get a better night's sleep and crashed on the floor. They'd all be setting off for the seal of fire in the morning, which certainly sounded like fun to Takeshi.

In the morning, Takeshi was awakened by Lloyd, who informed him that breakfast was downstairs. Takeshi stretched and yawned, stumbling to the bathroom door to wait for Genis. He showered and revived himself over a cup of tea and some breakfast, and then set out to make sure his gear was in order. Kunai, shuriken, summoning scrolls, and his chuunin vest over his cargo pants and tunic, along with his medical gear completed what was on his person. His other supplies were in his pack, which would be left at the entrance to the ruins. He set off downstairs, the last person to leave. Kratos looked somewhat annoyed about that. Everyone else was set, weapons in evidence. Genis had a kendama, of all things, while Colette was casually throwing her chakrams up and down. Takeshi wondered how useful they would be in combat- apparently the trials ahead involved monsters.

"Alright, sorry I took so long. Should we go?"

"Yeah, let's do this!"

Lloyd was grinning widely, strange for someone about to run headlong into a fight. Maybe the boy was just stupid. With that, they all headed out of the city and towards the ruins that contained the seal. It was something of a walk, taking several hours, but eventually they reached the ruins and began to look around. It wasn't long, however, before they spotted two glowing orbs, made of what appeared to be suspended bricks. An inner light glowed within them as they floated towards the group. Takeshi stared at them, nonplussed.

"The hell are those things?"

Kratos had drawn his sword, setting himself in a stance.

"Fire elementals. Be on your guard..."

Suddenly, the glow at the center of one of the brick-things intensified, and three large fireballs shot towards the group.

"Look out!"

Lloyd gave a cry as he grabbed Colette's hand and leapt out of the way, dragging the chosen with him. Everyone else was similarly clear, except Takeshi. Instead, he grinned and held out a hand. The fireballs suddenly redirected their flight in midair, whirling around Takeshi's head as they streaked back towards the elemental that fired them (no pun intended). They impacted against the bricks and were absorbed with no effect. Instead, the next attack that the elemental launched seemed to be twice as powerful. These, Takeshi simply blocked, sending them spiraling into the sky.

"Sword-dudes! Get in there and smash those things. I'll cover you!"

Takeshi began to move, putting himself in between Colette and the elementals. They refocused their attacks at Lloyd and Kratos, both charging a separate elemental, releasing their spells at the same time. Takeshi growled as he struggled to maintain control of the six separate fireballs, fighting the elementals for control. The fireballs simply hung in the air, quivering, as Takeshi pitted his will against the two elementals. Fortunately, by this time, Kratos and Lloyd had reached their targets. A quick stab from Kratos pierced the glow at the center of his elemental as Lloyd ineffectually slashed at the bricks that served to protect the elemental's core.

"Lloyd, stab at the core!" Kratos looked irritated, as if it couldn't be more obvious.

"Oh yeah! Sonic Thrust!"

With Lloyd's attack, the second sphere fell to ground, destroyed. Takeshi was finally able to release his hold on the second group of fireballs, and they spiraled off into the sky.

"Lloyd, that was fantastic!"

Takeshi rolled his eyes as the chosen gushed over the sword thrust that the red-clad swordsman had delivered. But, this was work, and the less he had to deal with it the better.

"OK, OK, so where's the entrance? It's really hot out here." complained the blue-haired little elf-boy.

"Agreed. Let's do this quickly." That was Kratos, and the most words he had spoken in days.

" Such a pity we're going to have to tackle the easiest dungeon first. Let's get this over with."

With that, the group reformed and began to head towards what looked like the entrance, combing the area for something Raine said was called the "Oracle Stone." After searching for only five minutes, Lloyd managed to come across whatever it was they were looking for.

"Hey, here it is!"

Looking up from where he was searching, Takeshi ambled over lazily.

"So what do we do now?"

"Colette, place your hand here. That should open up the passageway." Said Raine.

Colette did so, and suddenly, without any sort of warning, a block slid away, revealing the passage.

"That was interesting. Fingerprint scanning?" Remarked Takeshi, who had seen such devices in high-security areas of Konoha.

"Nope. Magic. I guess I really am the Chosen after all!" Colette grinned.

"Well, I'm glad I'm guarding the right person."

"We all knew that, you dummy." That was Lloyd, tactful as usual.

"Alright, shall we get this thing started, then? I'll head in first, light the way." And without waiting for any further questions, Takeshi headed down the stairs and into the underground passageway that led to the seal of Fire.

Truth be told, it was fairly dull in the ruins. Nothing but a fairly long, straight passageway made of stone, completely dark. The overwhelming sense of heat emanating from the center of the ruins blocked out any other sources of heat, rendering Takeshi unable to determine whether or not anything living was present there. They would be going in fairly blind.

As soon as everyone had descended into the passageway, two glowing birds and a strange orange warrior emerged from the stones.

"...Shit, enemies. Lloyd, get in front of me and hold off the swordsman while I deal with those two weird birds!"

As he said these words, a pair of chakrams flashed by at the birds as they swooped in. They struck them and looped backwards as the birds stopped, their momentum completely wrecked. Lloyd dashed in front of Takeshi, crossing his blades as the strange, sword-wielding...thing cut down, blocking the swing. They stood there, locked in a contest of strength. Meanwhile, both Kratos and Genis began to prepare spells.

Focusing, Takeshi's hands began to flash in signs. This was much more complicated than taking control of the fireballs outside, which had largely been directed with little control. These would take some work. "Colette, keep them busy with that. I'll have these things dead quickly!"

Controlling the fire that ninjas fought with was fairly easy for the Hojo clan. Ninja rarely put effort into maintaining control of the chakra that fueled the flames, which made it easy for them to insert their own chakra and take command. The elemental things outside weren't chakra users, but still managed to maintain some level of control over their spells. These creatures were purely made of fire. As such, they had iron control over their bodies. It would be nearly impossible for him to take command of them. Fortunately, that wasn't what he was aiming for.

His hands finished flashing through the signals- there were many that he needed to perform in order to manipulate his chakra the way he wanted to- and brought them together.

"Kai"

with that, both birds were simultaneously ripped to shreds by the force of Takeshi's chakra. The pieces quickly extinguished, just as Genis released an aqua edge spell at them. Takeshi grinned at him.

Meanwhile, Lloyd had been dealing with the swordsman well, and it now had several large gashes in it, all of which appeared to bleed something resembling lava. As Takeshi watched, Kratos's spell shifted targets, blasting Lloyd's opponent with lightning. Stunned and dazed, the creature's sword arm fell, leaving it defenseless against Lloyd's twin thrusts, which impaled its head.

"Nice shot, Kratos, Lloyd." remarked Takeshi, not even breathing heavily from dealing with the birds. "Shall we continue?"

"How the heck did you do that?!" exclaimed Lloyd as he gaped at Takeshi.

"Oh, right, you smurfs joined the group late. I'm just going to say that I'm a ninja and leave it at that. I have cool ninja powers. That's all you need to know. I'll explain more later, but now is really not the time. We're in the middle of a dungeon." As Takeshi said this, he was already walking down the corridor, his hand holding a ball of flame. Raine looked at him and muttered "honestly" as her staff also lit up. The party began to walk down the corridor. Lloyd was going off about how cool it was that they were here fighting their way to release the seal.

Eventually, after a good clip of distance, the hallway ended with a large door, marked with the words "Seal of Fire".

"This would appear to be it." remarked Kratos, as he pushed the door open.

In front of them stood paths of stone, immersed in Lava. Takeshi rolled his eyes. Nothing like a spectacle. The paths weren't connected, but a bit of work soon found out that lighting torches with an odd ring that Lloyd posessed would raise the paths they needed. Takeshi's fire, interestingly enough, wouldn't work, though it looked no different from the fire coming out of the ring. Soon, the group ended up in front of a pad.

"So is this the seal, then?" asked Takeshi.

"Oh, no, this is the warp pad. This is how we get to the seal. Just step on it!" With those words, Colette had walked onto the teleport pad and vanished.

"Ah, crap."

With that, Takeshi jumped onto the plate, feeling nothing, but seeing a strange blue light, which quickly vanished to reveal an empty room, with a strange pedestal-thing on it.

Takeshi stepped off of the pad. "So THAT'S the seal, I take it."

"yep."

As everyone else appeared, Genis suddenly shouted out.

"There's a lot of Mana welling up there!"

Looking behind him, Takeshi saw as a gigantic tiger...thing and two smaller minions flashed into existence in front of the seal.

"There's the guardian. We will need to defeat it to pass."

"Watch out, he's charging up for a spell!" Cried Genis, who was working his own.

Takeshi cried out. "OK, same strategy as with those things outside! I'll block any fire, you guys deal with them!" He sprang in front of Colette, making sure not to impede her Chakrams. If he was going to stay in the back, he may as well fulfill his job requirements.

Lloyd and Kratos charged forward, swords drawn as the monsters released their spells. They flew at the Chosen, great gouts of fire. Takeshi simply stood in front of her and deflected the fire away, scorching the walls as he did. It took very little chakra to redirect the fire such that it all would flow away. He could do this all day.

Lloyd and Kratos had easily dispatched the two runts. The big boss was proving to be a bit harder. As Takeshi watched, ready to deflect any fire that the boss should throw, he winced as Lloyd got caught in the sweep of the monster's tail. Lloyd was thrown backwards and landed, skidding, on the floor.. Lloyd got up, slowly, clutching his chest. Takeshi was impressed that he could still move after such a hit. Lloyd didn't look too eager to get in range of the monster's tail, but suddenly the beast turned and blasted a jet of flame at him. Lloyd raised his swords in a pitiful attempt at a block, but the fire was deflected, this time smashing a hole in the wall. Fortunately, this maneuver had left the creature vulnerable to Genis's Icicle spell, which pierced it at the same time that Kratos managed to slash at its side. The monster howled in pain, fire erupting all around it, pushing Kratos back before Takeshi could do anything. The mercenary fell to the ground, burns evident on his exposed flesh, his clothes smoking. Takeshi immediately leapt forward, still keeping his eyes on the beast as he grabbed Kratos and dragged him back towards Raine and her healing abilities. The beast attempted to breathe a jet of fire at them, but he deflected it, turning the columns that were in its path cherry-red. Raine immediately began to work on healing him as Takeshi looked back to where Lloyd was now battling the monster alone. He attempted to jump in and stab at the monster, which had lost a considerable amount of blood, but it countered with its tail. Lloyd was forced to jump back and dodge the powerful strike. Genis took this opportunity to fire another Icicle spell. This one trapped the monster's tail, pinning it fast as two kunai from Takeshi pierced its paw. With that, its guard was dropped.

"Lloyd! Hit the head!"

"Right!" With that, Lloyd leapt high into the air in front of the monster, bringing both swords down in a powerful thrust. The blades, which appeared to be sheathed in energy, passed into the monster's skull with little trouble, driving it to the ground. It was pretty clear that the thing was not getting up. Lloyd pulled his miraculously unbroken swords out of the monster's skull, looking curiously at the brains that clung to it. Notably, they, along with the rest of the monster, had already begun to fade. In a matter of seconds, all traces of it had vanished, leaving only the rubble and Kratos and Lloyd's injuries to indicate its presence.

(A/N: Apologies for the lack of updates, if anyone is still reading this thing (I honestly think I'll be saying that even if I get massive amounts of reviews), but I've been pretty damn lazy. For compensation, the chapter's pretty long. Now, for your viewing pleasure, I present the following. It's a pure, hate-filled rant at Nickelodeon. How the mighty have fallen... (warning- copious swearing follows.

Dear Nickelodeon. Are you trying to kill off what little faith I had in you? Let's start with those absolutely horrid new shows you've come out with- Back to the Barnyard and Tak, which I only know about because I have a little brother, a good memory, and I occasionally turn to you to see if Avatar's on. Which brings me to my second complaint.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? The last time you showed new episodes of Avatar was in fucking November. November! It's March, for God's sake! That's 3 solid months where you've had all these new episodes out (And they do exist. God bless Canadians and the internet for letting me at least see the Western Air Temple and The Firebending masters). Is there some executive out there who despises this show because, unlike everything else you've ever shown, it's got a beginning, middle, and end? You had us wait 9 months for season 3, but now, not only have you blatantly refused to show the only reason I still acknowledge the existence of your bloody network, but you aren't re-running them, either. I remember turning on the TV at random and tuning in to a good, solid episode of Avatar. Now? Spongebob. Don't get me wrong, I can tolerate Spongebob. Some of the earlier stuff was good. But for the love of all that is holy (and in this case, I do happen to mean Kung-fu Action Jesus- a name I picked up from Avatar The Abridged Series for Aang), will you show the damn episodes already? I'm planning on picking up the DVDs, but seriously, what possible logic could you have for not showing the sole shining jewel in the otherwise frankly disgusting pile of shit that is the Nickelodeon lineup? The show is insanely popular among older folk. Teenagers, plenty of college students, hell, even parents, are all Avatards. Sure, some of it's the Anime influence, but since when is that a bad thing? This show has better fight choreography than Naruto. Yes, I said it, and I'm writing a Naruto fanfic here. The fight animation is ten times better. It's the best I've ever seen. The storyline is gripping, the characters are amazing, the setting is fucking epic, the mechanics are intricately thought out, the detail put into it is stunning, it's genuinely funny... this is perhaps one of the single greatest shows I have had the pleasure to see. Do you want to know how popular this show is with the older, nerdier crowd instead of the unwashed, teeming maggots of ten-year-olds you call your main fanbase? TVTropes wiki is a site I waste a lot of my time at. What few readers I have will recall that I mentioned it in a plug last time I updated. Avatar, a Nickelodeon show, is the media referenced 10th most on that site, according to their trope overdosed category. Here's what beats it. 1. Star Trek (all of them) 2. Doctor Who (I know nothing about this one). 3. The Simpsons (20? year run). 4. Final Fantasy. All 10 games and spinoffs. 5. Star Wars (do I really need to explain this one?) 6. Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the site features many Buffy enthusiasts, also a long runner.) 7. Stargate verse (another long runner) 8. Harry Potter (again, do I need to explain?) 9. Discworld (apparently Terry Pratchett is some sort of God). 10. AVATAR. It's at 50 episodes so far. 50. Star Trek had more on its first run. This show is pure, epic gold, and you're raping it. The only other thing that comes close (160 entries to Avatar's 610 ) is Danny Phantom (why, I can't tell), and possiblly Invader Zim. Now, I don't know all that much about Danny Phantom, not being in touch with the online fanbase like I am with Avatar, but what do all three of these shows have in common? You (Nick) fuck them in the ass, or are in the process of doing so. What the hell is your fucking problem? At the very least, release the DVDs soon so that I don't have to come down to the studios, find whoever is responsible for this travesty, kill them in ways unmentionable in decent company, feed their bodies to whatever is responsible for spawning Barnyard (and if that doesn't kill it, there's always fire), and elevating Mike and Bryan to the top positions.

...And after that rant, this is going to come across as a lot calmer, but would it kill you guys to show a few episodes of Hey Arnold or something every now and again? That show was the pinnacle of my childhood, and it's certainly better than the crap you're putting out now.

Sincerely, Fireknife XV


End file.
